The Presbyter's Page
Electronic Edition – March 2005
Section 12 - LA
District UPCI
Donald Bryan - Presbyter
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People Skills: So
Necessary, So Scarce
Pastors can help or hinder their ministry based on how they treat
people. A person was training to be a
teller at a bank. The trainer asked,
“What is the most difficult aspect of this job?” The trainee responded, “Counting money.” That person never made it through the
training because it is difficult to be a bank teller if you have trouble
counting money.
A pastor commented, “Ministry would be a great job if it weren’t for the people.” I then realized that pastor wasn’t kidding. Without people the church doesn’t exist. People are indispensable to the life of the church. There was a time I thought good preaching skills were the most important asset to a pastor. Frankly, I have known pastors who were excellent preachers. They possessed poor people skills and their ministry suffered in spite of their gift for preaching. I have also known some people who were very average or less in the pulpit. They have good people skills and have been very successful in ministry. Poor people skills cause pastors more trouble than any other single issue. Many ministries have run aground on the shoals of poor people skills.
Jesus gave us this firm instruction in Matthew 7:12, “So in everything,
do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and
the Prophets.” This has been called
simply the “golden rule.” To follow
this simple instruction will save tons of trouble down the road. Even when someone treats you poorly, treat
that person as you want to be treated.
Adequate use of good people skills requires flexibility. We have to be willing to adjust our own
agendas in order that we might treat others nicely. We may not always get our way or have our day unfold as we
desire. There has to be a willingness
to make adjustments to the schedule without bashing those around us. My thesaurus lists the following words as
synonyms for flexibility: ability to
bend, pliability, elasticity, and expendability among others. All of these are required for good people
skills.
Good people skills require leaders to listen. Again, let me emphasize that listening and agreement are not the
same thing. You can listen to a person
very carefully and not agree with them.
Many times people only want to have someone listen to them. To be heard frequently satisfies many. They will generally understand if you don’t
agree as long as you can give evidence you have listened. Genuine listening is essential to good
people skills.
Good people skills require leaders to handle emotions without
anger. Anger does energize. But outbursts of anger frequently do damage
to those around us. Frequent outbursts
of anger will destroy your capacity to lead.
Good people skills require leaders to treat people with respect. Jesus understood this when he gave us the
golden rule. Each human being is a
creature made by God. As such they
deserve to be treated with respect.
Even those who misbehave are to be treated kindly. We are not to return evil for evil.
A pastor must love the people he serves. This instruction is absolutely critical. You can’t pastor people you do not
love. The people won’t permit it. You may preach to them but you can’t pastor
them. There is a difference. You can’t fool the people on this
issue. The people know their pastor
very well. They know if the pastor and
spouse have had words before the service.
They know if the pastor doesn’t feel well. They know if something at the church is upsetting the
pastor. They surely know whether you
love them or not.
A leader understands and uses common sense. Webster says common sense is “the ability to render sound judgments
on everyday affairs of life.” The
following are some observations regarding dominant characteristics of persons
both inside and outside the church who have a good grasp on common sense. Common sense dictates and appreciates the beauty
of simplicity. The more complicated a strategy becomes, the less likely
it is to be achieved. A project with
ten steps has more opportunities for fatal flaws than one with five.
Common sense dictates and appreciates the journey from its
beginning. Are we where we need
to be? The answer is inevitably
“No!” But we need to understand the
length of the journey and how far we have progressed towards our destination.
Common sense thrives on the basics. Remember the three R’s:
reading, ‘riting and ‘rithmetic.
These subjects are critical to education. A student is in trouble if she can’t handle these simple basic
subjects. Behavior problems are
frequently just an indication the student can’t handle the basics. Stick to the basics in life. Avoid being taken down side paths that
divert your attention from the basic issues of life. Worship, service, evangelism, incorporation, and teaching are the
basics. Stay focused on the important
issues.
Common sense realizes that little successes lead to bigger ones. Have you ever heard someone
described as an “instant success?” Then
you talk with that person and discover he worked hard for 15 years to lay the
groundwork for that instant success. I
remember visiting a church on the dedication of a new building. It represented a big success. Many people commented on the victory. They failed to understand that the “big
success” was the culmination of 20 years of little successes. Without those little successes the big one
would have never happened. Encourage the
little victories. They make the big
ones possible.
Common sense understands that some will envy your successes. Professional jealousy is not an idle
term. It ought not to be in the
Christian church. We should be able to
celebrate the successes of our brothers and sisters in His cause. I always strive to praise God for the
success of a pastor or church. That is
true whether I have had any influence or not.
That is true whether they use a style I appreciate or not. I praise God for their successes because God
is glorified. However, if your ministry
begins to blossom, some will resent your blessings and progress.
Common sense insists that you know the rules of the game. There are, of course, Christian ethics, and
then there are certain rules in every organization. A Christian must stay within the bounds of Christian ethics. Sometimes the pragmatic rules are contained
in the constitution, and sometimes they are unwritten but just as real,
nonetheless. If the rules are bad, then
work at rewriting them. To work outside
the rule box will cause some real resistance even to good and worthy projects.
Common sense comprehends that not all changes are progress. At the same time all progress involves
and incorporates change. Common
sense understands the difference and how this can impact our lives.
Common sense appreciates the value of experience. Ben Franklin said, “We can’t learn
everything from experience.” We have to
learn from the experiences of others.
What has worked and not worked for others should give us insight to our
own behavior. Why should we repeat the
failures of others? Why shouldn’t we
learn from the successes of others?
Trust the wisdom of those placed around you. Pastors, allow your elders to provide a screen for you as to what
will or will not work for your people.
If you can’t convince your elders, you will have trouble convincing the
church.
Will Rogers said, “If you want to be successful, know what you are
doing, love what you are doing, and believe in what you are doing.”
Ministers are alert. They are paying attention to what is going
on around them. They are in tune with
the vibes that people in their various circles are sending their way. They are alert to changes in the climate in
the church, community, and in their world.
Ministers are persistent. They don’t look back when they place their
hand to the plow. They stay at the
task. They stay focused on the goal
even though it may take years to reach.
Ministers finish tasks.
Jesus talked about the man who began to build a tower but it remained
unfinished because he hadn’t properly calculated the costs. Do you know people who start many things and
never finish what they started? It
doesn’t matter how many things leaders start.
How many do they finish? That is
the important question.
Ministers have the
capacity to pick the right issues.
Major on the majors. Don’t waste
time, energy, and resources on minor issues.
Does this issue have the potential to make a difference in the life of
this church 5 years from now? If not,
why fight the battle?
Ministers accept
personal responsibility for what they have done. This is important. Have
you ever talked with someone who could never accept responsibility for his/her
actions? It was always someone else’s
fault. Don’t make promises you can’t
keep. If you make a promise to someone,
write it down so you will remember. If
you promise, then you have to deliver.
People have long memories when it comes to broken promises.
Be very careful to
explain when you do something different than what has been authorized. There are times when this is necessary. Conditions may change from the point of decision
to the point of action necessitating adjustments. That is okay, but be certain you explain the why to those who are
responsible.
Ministers are constantly
evaluating. Why did this work? Why didn’t this work? What good was accomplished? What good did we fail to accomplish? How could we have done this project
better? What obstacles hindered our
achieving what we set out to do? Was I the right person for the task? Did I give the job to the right person? Who could have done this job better?
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